Take Three: The Fourth of Naked Guy

I remember…

After my latest post, I’m feeling inspired to accept a writing challenge today. Freestyle memory, 10 minutes on the clock. Time is 2:10 p.m. Ready, Set, Go!

Fourth of July 2008. Post-firework extravaganza. In the city of Chino California, former cow country.  My older cousins (10 years my senior) were feeling nostalgic and wanted to show me the houses they grew up in.

My cousin by blood, Haley, sits excitedly in the passenger seat while her husband, Eddie, mans the wheel with purpose as I make myself comfortable in the backseat behind Haley. Fast-forward to us winding through the streets of Eddie’s childhood in their Toyota Camry. The community park: where Eddie broke his arm, first job: mowing crazy cat ladies lawn, followed by the Bernstein’s house: where Eddie and partner in crime Dillon Bernstein accidentally blew up the family mini van when the reckless “high” schoolers left a joint burning on the seat.

It was a surprisingly quiet neighborhood, too quiet on account that it was 10 p.m. on Fourth of July in a city where fireworks were legal at the time. I tried to remain as interested as I could as Eddie pointed out his adolescent memories, but for a 14 year old at the time, his walk down memory lane felt like my grandpa telling me about his service in the Korean War. Alright 5 minutes left, better get to the punch line…

Ahhh, the time and place of Eddie’s first kiss. He points to a mailbox outside a quaint one story house. A sigh of frustration as Haley realizes that she and Eddie never kissed at this mailbox. The beans are spilled, Haley was not Eddie’s first kiss…whoops.  I decide tune out the feuding fiances and take in the scenery, although looking back I wish I hadn’t…Out of nowhere, a stark naked man holding a can of Bud Light stands in the middle of the road unbeknownst to the very distracted, bickering beaus. I panic. I can’t the right words, or any for that matter, to tell Eddie to brake before we hit the drunk, naked, fat guy. I realize this is the first fully nude man I have ever laid eyes on, and my fourteen year old virgin self was in complete and utter shock as the man’s beer belly slithered across Haley’s passenger window. Milliseconds pass when the fat man suddenly bellows in pain and proceeds to bang on my window and flip me the bird. Shocked that my cousins are wrapped up in their argument, and oblivious to what has just happened, I shed the man a toothy, speechless shrug then unbuckle my seat belt so I can turn and look out the rear window. My eyes burn at the sight of him cradling his left toes, hopping on one foot, shouting profanity at the top of his lungs, and much to my dismay, all while still naked.

“Hey! What are you doing, put your seat belt back on.” – Eddie.

I turn around with wide eyes, crimson cheeks and buckle my seat belt with sweaty palms. Off my deer and headlights expression….”

“You alright? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” – Haley.

“God Bless, America.” I mutter under my breath.

Alright so it’s 2:21p.m. Went over by a minute. This Writer Girl wonders…what’s your Funny Freestyle Memory?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/05/writing-challenge-remember/